Metal Autumn Trees
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Metal Autumn Trees
Second draft:critic please?
Synthetic stems of man made trees
And plasticized human beings
Living in someone else's dreams
With feelings they do not feel
Autumn leaves will fall from trees
And shortly so they die
But rubber leaves from rubber trees
Will remain a plastic lie
You look quite grey and sad today
Your fake and weak I thought I'd say
They took your colour and gave you grey
You've joined in the robot parade
Your gleaming pride your metal smile
It wears you out until you crack
Your metal structure heavy and coarse
your back malfunctioned and your iron bones torn
your batteries are running low
And your crooked friends have worn you down
Until your just material, nothing more
You're a polystyrene clown
The world is crying
it's metal structure cording
the elongated laughs of tears
something, something, something...
Need time and help on the last line. again please be brutal. thank you 
This is great! So, I assume it's about synthetic trees. What made you want to write this poem? (Does the last line have to rhyme?)
For the last line how about: "that turn the hollow ground to rust" I'm not sure if this will help, because I didn't write the poem, but if the world is made of metal, then....